He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
