you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
