so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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