Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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