i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
