why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
