my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I deserve this hangover.
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