Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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