We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
