The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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