I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My dick has a subreddit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
