Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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