go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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