I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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