he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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