i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
