i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
