It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
