Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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