I must be too annoying 4 u.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
