you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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