I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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