there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
