i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize