guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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