you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im having a threesome with these popsicles
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
