Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
