he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
