He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize