I wish I could teleport
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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