I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
