I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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