My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
