We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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