Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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