He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize