3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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