Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
