At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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