i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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