I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize