i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Enjoy the penises
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
