Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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