he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
