you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
