I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
