My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
