My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
