my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My life is pants optional.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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