I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
