you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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