every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
