so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
