My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
