I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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