I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
