That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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