two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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