Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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