My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize