You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
