Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
